Restaurant Review - Biba's "One's a Meal" Greek restaurant

I love food. To this day, I'm not quite sure how I'm not 300 pounds of a fat cow rolling off my couch in search of butter pecan ice cream. For some strange reason, I am in good physical condition. I've eaten horse meat, dried seaweed, fish who are still looking at me, concoctions thrown together in a large black pot by a woman with a wart on her nose, and even *gasp* hot dogs. Growing up in Europe, we were not given the insane amount of cuisine choices galantly displayed here in the United States, bells and whistles shrieking at us to super size our 64 oz 'small' drink.

It's not surprise that I love Greek food, preferably Meditteranean, but I rarely turn my nose up at a good gyro and some hummus. I ventured out to One's a Meal, formerly known as Bibo's Greek restaurant last night with 20 friends and strangers. (Ok, I was forced against my already weak will, but food is food...) They boast that you can do a search on google.com and find 0 bad reviews on their restaurant in their 80 years of existence.

.......

I ordered an appetizer of Dolmades, an iced tea, and a main meal of Spanakopita. I anxiously and hungrily awaited my food, feigning interest in the lives of my companions while I refrained from eating the table.

The dolmades arrived, looking rather sad, covered in a murky yellow egg cream and lemon sauce that I expected to taste savory. I speared one, cut it up, to be met with some meat and rice that resembled that of wet dog food. Unsure of the type of meat I was about to stuff into my mouth, I read the menu:

"Dolmades- Grape leaves stuffed with ground meat and rice, topped with egg lemon sauce."

Hm. Maybe it really was dog food? Unimpressed, I forced down two until my gag reflex tapped on my tongue and threatened to regift my food like a fruitcake at a white elephant Christmas party. I gave up and left the other 2 to dry out under the sauce, shriveled and forlorn on the table. My friends eyed them suspiciously and politely refused my attempts at pawning them off and feeble comments of starving children in China. Sigh, a waste.

My main dish came out, and once they were set in front of me, I curiously recognized a sense of familiarity about the little pies. They looked as if they had come from Costco. Interesting. I stabbed one halfheartedly.

Yep, these came from Costco's frozen food section, next to the TGI Friday's jalepeno poppers. I sighed in dismay.

My neighbor lamented on a missing cream sauce from her meal, which appeared to be a type of lasagna. Rather, lasagna created by a 3 year-old, as there were pasta noodles stuffed into the bottom corner, a random pasta shell surrounding them, and some meat sauce splattered on top. Disappointed, she returned the meal and was not charged.

My meal came: $20. Holy hell, Batman! An appetizer, glass of tea, and a small meal for one person? I can head over to Yia Yia Mary's and get an order of hummus thrown into the mix, along with some baklava. While the staff was friendly, they showed no knowledge of the menu. The space was a bit cramped as well.

Thumb's down, "One's a Meal". You might want to take down the bragging rights of 'no bad reviews'.