Friday, June 26, 2009
http://medicaladoptions.com/ is a site for parents and legal guardians to trade out their children whether permanently or temporarily. Whether you need a breeding machine, a workhorse in the fields, or a maid that speaks English and you are uncomfortable paying minimum wage, this site is for you.
The site has been around for a few years operating under the name Child Trader. Credit card payments are accepted, except for Discover. Your child can work off the bill by begging out on the street for a few pennies, or passing out pens and claiming they're deaf. The younger the child, the more of a cash cow they will be.
So if you're tired of your kid, check out this site. A good threat is all they need to be straightened out and learn to fly right. If only this site had been around when I was a kid!*
*please note this site is a joke, as is the review.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Most of the time I cover my face with a towel, blast the hot water, and try to rinse away as much of the foul stenched food particles as I can. Most of the time, it works. However, my recent extravaganzas of food purging included a drink thermos that at one time contained my morning protein shake - it had sat in my car for three days.
I assumed nothing was left in the thermos and opened the lid to rinse the cup out before sending it to a piddly bath in my poor excuse of a dishwasher. What I was met with was a large, disc shaped and mousse textured object that had been launched out of the cup and into the sink.
After I awoke (I must have fainted from the smell), I ran the disposal and hot water. The smell was still in my sink, a large cloud above my head in my already small kitchen. My efforts were futile. I threw in a lemon wedge, hoping for some good acidic burn. While the lemon worked, I cursed at my waste of a perfectly good, 2 for 50 cent lemon.
In an unrelated adventure, I went shopping a few weeks later and came across these cute little pearls of genius:
I've been complaining and whining about the stinky garbage disposals poor results at eliminating smells, plus I miss my lemons once they are down my sink. I picked up the lemon-scented pack and tripped home, happy with my $3.99 purchase.
After tossing one down the sink, the odor had been eliminated and my kitchen smelled fresh again. But....as my frequent readers know....what if I tested the product to its limit?
I began my grocery purge: a head of rotted kale (I'd forgotten to bag both ends of it and it molded within 3 days) ; old tomato soup; cream of chicken (2 weeks old); Indian food from 3 nights ago; some mushy pear slices I'd meant to take to work; and soured milk.
Keep in mind that I had been out of the country for approximately 2 1/2 months and therefore had forgotten what mysterious objects were in my Tupperware containers. I do not live this pathetically and am actually a neat freak. End Disclaimer.
At this point, the smell is rancid and I have heard my neighbors all pass out from the smell leaking through the walls in our building, Cyrus is trying to dial 911 on my cell phone. My fake plants have wilted, and I'm dry heaving. I reach for the Plink.
1 Plink destroyed the smell within seconds, and once it all drained away, it was as if nothing had ever happened.
Bottom line: Bachelor(ette)s, this is a must-have in your home. I know how you boys live and what you eat. Buy a pack and chunk one down the sink every week or so. Believe me, your dates will actually want to return to your house after the first night.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I have added two new buttons to my blog and ask that you guys check them out.
For the past few months I have been repeatedly called by a number: 714-261-1535, a telemarketing scam requesting that I purchase a new car warranty. The automated message informs me that my warranty has expired. (I have an extended warranty, morons...). Finally, I pressed '1' to speak with an operator and get my name removed. He requested my vehicle's make and model, to which I replied, "Don't you already have it? You called me."
"We are a third party. Give me the make and model, please."
I asked him to take my number off of his list; he replied, "Ok." and hung up on me.
I've added these two buttons to my site to help spread awareness about telemarkers phishing for personal information. If you receive a strange call, don't delete the number, but DON'T answer it! Report the number to the site.
Yes, our voices are being heard. Check out this link:
Make a difference. Spread the word.
Editor's note: Please discuss all flea treatments/products with your vet before using them on your pet. This is merely my opinion and experience from the product.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
In my continuous efforts to stop my poor dog's itching and shedding all over the house, I finally broke down and went to Petco in search of new products to help him. Hearing him chew at himself, roll around on my carpet grunting obnoxiously, and rubbing against the corners of my walls like a housecat was enough to get my lazy rear off my couch and hit the pavement.
After locating a new shampoo similar to the one sash recommended in my previous post, I came across this handy little scrubby mitt pictured to the right. Made by Rinse Ace Products , the mitt resembles that of a typical yellow dishwashing glove, but with a rubber palm pasted to it. The product is priced at a reasonable $4.95, and Petco's return policy is very lenient. I grabbed it and thought, "Well, why not?" They claim that it feels good to the pet and helps clear dead, dry skin.
I get home and unloaded my purchases in the bathroom. Now, to locate the test subject.
After chasing a crabby Bulldog around the apartment, then discovering I no longer fit under my bed (must be all the beer I drank while in Australia, ermf), then coaxing him out, then finally threatening him, I heaved the 50 pound test subject into the tub and tried out my new find.
The results were amazing. For under $5.00, I removed almost a pound of dead hair, skin, and dander from my poor Bulldog. I've never seen him remain so still for a bath. I was able to use less shampoo (an oatmeal and aloe based Petco product, to be later reviewed) and scrub his wrinkles twice as well. He adored having his neck scrubbed and massaged. Despite my concerns over the hard rubber 'nubs' on the mitt, Cyrus sighed in complete bliss while I tore away most of his winter coat and relieved the itching. The amount of fur that came off covered the entire palm of the wash mitt - all three times. I used half of the amount of shampoo as I normally did. I gave him a towel dry with a new microfiber towel (similar to Shamwow but half the price) and he bolted around the apartment, frisky, clean, and 2 pounds lighter.
It's been about three days since the bath, and the results are still astounding. Note: I did wash all of his sheets after his bath, so he had nothing but clean sheets on his beds.
The shedding has decreased, and the itching, moaning and grunting has decreased by about 80%. Due to allergy season here in my neck of the woods, he is going to be put on a medicine (Bulldogs are prone to high allergies), but his coat lacks the white dander and dry skin. He still loves a good scratch, but he even smells better. There is no 'dog' scent in my place, less hair on my floor, and his coat is sleek and shiny.
I give this product an A plus for price, quality, and everything in between!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
You guys all know that I have a dog. Cyrus, aka Mr. Wonderful, peanutbutter pie, sugar bear, snooky wooky, etc, is a 4 year old English Bulldog that occasionally stinks up to high heavens. I've been on a shampoo run for the past few months in attempt to keep him smelling springtime fresh for at least more than 3 days at a time. Oh, to be so lucky.
At one of my weekly ventures to "Big Box Store", I found myself wandering the pet product aisles in search of yet another solution to my poor dog's itchy coat. Between the stinkiness from playing hard at the park and rolling in mud, and the time of year that causes all dog's coats to explode from their bodies, I was at my wit's end. I am known for being a bit of a clean freak, and a smelly dog is not at the top of my 'ignore' list.
After meandering through the filthy Hartz products (all readers, please click the link for valuable information!) I found myself staring at the grooming products. The majority of the shampoos didn't work for my dog, so I was looking for something new. Here's what I found:
Yikes, pardon the bad image upload, kids. The puresolutionbrands.com website doesn't appear to have been created by a web expert, what with its explosion of blue happiness and basic html usage. But I'm not here to review the website, am I...?
Pictured to the right are two products that made it into my cart, rushed home, and used on my poor dog. Pure Solutions advocates that this shampoo is all natural, with lavender scents and low foaming, since bubblage is caused from those pesky chemical products. I rolled my eyes and threw my dog into the tub, ignoring his silent protests and vows of eating my shoes while I slept that night. I followed the directions - rinse, suds, and rinse. Towel dry. I did note the low foam/sudsiness of him, which concerned me enough to use even more of the shampoo. Afterwards, he was dry and smelled relatively good.
A few short days later, my dog smelled like....dog. Dog owners know this smell is disgusting and will seep into your fabrics if you aren't careful and dedicated to vacuuming and have stock in Febreeze. I sprayed him with the Pure between bath freshener.
FAIL. I've gotten better results from using Pantene on him. His coat became oily and he scratched himself raw from the 'natural' products in the shampoo. Cyrus was constantly on his back, rolling on the carpet in attempts to relieve his poor, itchy back. Eventually I noticed patches of hair missing around his neck and legs.
I gave the shampoo a second try, hoping that it was just allergy season, only with the same results. I later found an oatmeal and Aloe shampoo by another maker that does suds and foam up, with a clean, happy dog who itches much less and gets more dirt out of his coat. His hair is also growing back.
Overall, these two products are mediocre. I understand about 'going green' and saving the environment. I am an advocate for growing one's own produce, turning off lights and unplugging appliances. Heck, my electric bill is rarely over $60. However, I would rather have a clean, happy dog than be concerned about what the shampoo is going to do at the local water treatment plant once it makes its way down the sewer.
I have some left, if anyone wants to test it on their dog. (said tongue in cheek, of course.)
Monday, March 16, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
I was kicked out of the country at the beginning of January and forced to do real work in the land down under, eat vegemite, sleep on exotic beaches, and...ok, we'll leave it at that.
When I returned to my office after being gone for two weeks, I had phone messages, emergencies, over 500 emails I had neglected while working down under on another project, a sick dog, family matters, home issues, and...again, we'll leave it at that.
Imagine the surprise when I discovered that I could not sleep at night! I assumed it would be easy to crawl into bed after a long day of battling the corporate world and adjusting my body off of a 15 hour time difference (what day is it?).
So I found myself at the health food store, searching for something that would help me sleep, but not knock me out beyond the ability to hear my alarm clock go off the next morning. I spoke with the girl at the counter, also informing her of my anxiety disorder that tends to fight any sleeping medication. (I tried Lunesta years ago and became a wannabe Spiderman by climbing the walls) She smiled and pulled out this handy little tool:
Meet Rescue Remedy Sleep. This tiny bottle is safe to take on planes, costs about $5.00, and is processed chemical free. From the website Rescue Sleep:
Rescue Sleep calms your restless mind providing natural relief for sleeplessness caused by stress and repetitive thoughts. Containing a blend of Rescue Remedy and the Bach Flower Remedy White Chestnut, Rescue Sleep allows you to sleep naturally and wake refreshed. Visit www.rescuesleep.com for more information. -->
Rescue Sleep calms your restless mind providing natural relief for sleeplessness caused by stress and repetitive thoughts.
Rescue Sleep is totally natural and contains six of the 38 Bach® Flower Essences: Rock Rose for terror and panic, Impatiens for irritation and impatience, Clematis for inattentiveness, Star of Bethlehem for shock, Cherry Plum for irrational thoughts, and White Chestnut for relief from repetitive thoughts.
Repetitive thoughts? Shock? Restless mind? I just wanted to SLEEP. I wanted to stop thinking about my second trip back down under, my expense report with a $100 missing receipt, a trip to Europe for more work, my boss hounding me about a project...I just wanted to sleep. The girl assured me it would knock me out with no side effects in the morning. I gave it a go and spent the $5.
One evening, despite my futile efforts at relaxing my body - calming thoughts, warm bath, hot tea, snuggle time with my dog, and no TV, computer, or any electronic device near me, my jet lag was the culprit. I woke up around 2 am, wide awake, head racing, wondering if I had sent off an email to someone. I grabbed the bottle and peered at the instructions:
"Spray 2 times on top of tongue. Spray as needed throughout the night."
Sheepishly, I grumbled about not needing to take additional Unisoms and Advil PMs once they'd sent me into a coma, but I sprayed twice, then hit the sack and waited.
Suddenly, my alarm clock went off, and it was 8:30 in the morning. I had fallen asleep and rested the entire night, and woke up without feeling hungover. My body felt relaxed and comfortable.
Now, I'm not anti-drugs. But the realization that I had fallen asleep with the assistance of an all-natural product and woken up with no side effects iced the cake.
Overall, I highly recommend this product. I plan to test it out a few more times to ensure that I didn't 'get lucky' and fall asleep on my own accord.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
On a whim, I decided to purchase the L'Oreal Double Ext...ok, you can read the title.
The site claims 'you can get the same salon-like extension result that is completely hassle free' without spending $600 on professional extensions. While I have been told my eyes are my best feature of my face, I've never been a fan of my 'average' eyelashes and am quite envious of those who do get the sleepy, sultry effect from having thick ones. I chunked the product in my cart and headed about my merry way.
After applying the product, I must admit, while it does provide some 'extension', it certainly did not perform as well as an $8 bottle of black paste should. I'm a faithful subscriber to the all time best seller and classic Maybelline Great Lash mascara, which is half the price. It gives my eyes a smokier appearance and is easier to wash off.
The beauty tubes product is a two step process and requires a steadier hand - the first application is a white cream of some sort that 'lengthens and separates'. The second requires the better control over your hand - if you don't cover all of the white, you look like you have eyelash dandruff, and that's just a fashion faux pas. The mascara is also a little more difficult to remove. With most mascaras I have used, a warm washcloth and some eye makeup remover does the trick. With this, it felt like I was pulling off my lashes, and I don't have any to spare.
Overall review? I liked it, but not enough to justify spending $9 on it. When the price falls to $5.00, I may consider buying it again. Until then, it sits in my makeup tray.